Thursday, August 13, 2015

Unbearable Loss

Have you lost someone in your life and it seemed too unbearable to face?  The loss of a relationship, the loss of a pet, the loss of a family member or the loss of a friendship.  As I sit writing this, I can recall the painful sting of watching a great love walk away, the decision of letting go of a pet after eighteen years, recalling the funerals of all four of my grandparents and a long-term friendship that needed to end in order to begin again.  It’s painful, it’s awful, it’s lonely, and it’s scary.  At the time you wonder, “How can I ever get through this pain?”  Yet, life’s mystery is the continued forward motion through unbearable loss that we all find ourselves experiencing on this human journey, if we've truly LOVED.

John White was one of the first Englishman that felt unbearable loss that this nation, known as America, was founded on.  It is a painful story to tell.

John White, an artist at heart and adventurer by day, found himself the governor of the first English Colony in 1587, known as the Roanoke Colony.  Throughout my research, John White was excited to take this leap in leading the discovery of a new life, a new world.  I can just imagine his words to convince his daughter who is pregnant, and son-in-law to pack up all of their possessions, leave a life they’ve only knew, for an adventure across an angry sea and the pending struggle to birth a new world.  Were they eager, were they scared, were they running from something, or were they just interested in starting over, building a new world far away from the politics of England’s rule?

Six months into the new settlement, struggle of day-to-day life was becoming overwhelming, and survival was questionable.  It was a perfect storm, a drought caused hardship on crops, uncertainty of friendly natives, and the pending starvation of colonist were on everyone’s mind. All historical facts in my research revealed a decision was made between the colonists and John White.  It was determined John White would return to England to gather additional supplies to sustain the colony. So, the governor left the colony, to return to England to receive much needed supplies.  What was not expected was the war that broke out between Spain and England, known as the Anglo-Spanish War.  Without much thought, Queen Elizabeth authorized John White to return to the colony with much needed supplies. However, due to the war, John White’s return voyage to Roanoke Island was delayed for three years.

What must have John White felt?  The agony must have followed him for three long years.  There was no way to get word back to the colonist.  It was war and John White found himself right in the middle of the sacrifices that were made for such greater causes.  The pledging he must have attempted. His worry was not only for the colonist, but also for his only daughter and his new born grandchild.  The nights he must have cried himself to sleep knowing that his failure to return would possibility have devastating effects.  The whirlwind of despair, the persistent praying he must have endured. 

I’m sure John was hoping his prayers were answered and somehow the small Roanoke Colony would’ve managed to survive.  Yet, all anyone found was an abandon colony, a dismantled settlement with only one clue.  It was the word, “CROATOAN.”  This word was found on two trees that would have been within the settlement.  CROATOAN was the name of a friendly native tribe that befriended the Colony.  John continued his search for his family along with the colonists he left behind as well as the Croatoan tribe, but his search turned up no further clues.

Three years after two failed attempts to locate his family and the colonist, John White died.  There is no record of illness or suicide.  Some say, “John White died of a broken heart.”  The unbearable loss of such unfortunate circumstances.  I could not even imagine the guilt Mr. White carried those last three years of his life.  Yet, some say, “John died knowing in his heart, his family was still alive even though no proof provided evidence of those assumptions.”

So, the Roanoke Colony became known in history as “THE LOST COLONY”.

It is rare to find individuals in the United States that truly know the unbearable loss and sacrifices John White paid to establish the first English Colony.   The birth of a nation came at a great price for his family, but it is because of those who were willing to take dangerous risks that our nation was born.  And it all began under the leadership of an artist, an adventurer known as John White. 

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What if there is another outcome for Mr. White’s family and the lost colonist?  Perhaps, his assumptions were right.  Maybe some of the colonist survived.  Maybe his daughter and grandchild did survive.  What if, the abandoned colony was discovered two years prior to the return of the broken-hearted John White?  It’s plausible.  It’s possible, because the research is pointing in a direction that would affirm Mr. White’s assumptions.

Viewing John White's original art of the new world at the British Museum in London.  


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